This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
