Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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