At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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