For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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