what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
