just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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