ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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