Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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