I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
