My friends, they love my intelligence
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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