Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
