Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
