i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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