I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
