I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
