Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
