Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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