i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize