I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
