At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You can't special order awesome
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
