Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
