If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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