we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
