Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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