please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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