capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
