I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
