Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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