After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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