whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Randomize
