I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
