May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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