The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
