Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
