You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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