She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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