you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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