How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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