He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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