woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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