Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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