I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunk is not a location!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
