Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
