Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
