I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
