I'm jealous of your bromance
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
