i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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