i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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