Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
