I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
