I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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