so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
