Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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