nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
