What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
