somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
