Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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