guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
