I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i now understand why vodka
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
