my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
