The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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