Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
