About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.