Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me