I want to make a zoo with you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my j├Ąger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Floor bacon is actually really good