i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.