i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
