I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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