she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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