im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
