WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
